Friday, 14 December 2012

Lucky 13

I know most people believe 13 to be unlucky, but for me it is my lucky number.  It all started in June 2008 when I was admitted to hospital due to the mass on my right ovary.  I found out I was in bed 13 and I was told I had ovarian cancer.  Okay I know that doesn't sound very lucky and at the time I was a mess.

I was scheduled for surgery two weeks later.  I was admitted to hospital on the Sunday on a different ward and as I was the first to arrive I got to choose which bed I wanted in our six bed bay. I chose the bed next to the window with a view out over the city.  Not much to look at but a lot better than the wall!  I later found out that I was again in bed 13 and this time it had been my choice.  I wasn't too happy about it after my last stay.

Surgery went ahead as planned on the Monday and though I don't remember a lot, the main things were that they had not performed a hysterectomy and that they were now 99% sure it was not cancer but endometriosis.  That made me the luckiest person ever that day.  I was still able to try for our family and almost certainly didn't have cancer, I would have to wait for the biopsy results to be sure, but for now things were looking up.

Then yesterday, which was the 13th December, we had our latest appointment at the IVF clinic.  It was all great news and we start on December 27th.  This means that 2013 is hopefully going to be our lucky year. Plus we have been married 13 years this year.  That number 13 keeps cropping up!

In 2008 I never thought any of this would happen.  It has taken a long hard wait to get here!  Emotions have been all over the place.  One minute things are moving along and you feel amazing then you hit a brick wall and have to start again.  This time though we have dates, drugs will be delivered to our home before the 27th and we have our listing of what to take and when.  I will have to set alarms on my phone to make sure I don't miss things.  I am so forgetful I need the extra reminder especially while I am in work as the hours just seem to fly by.

For a moment yesterday I felt myself getting extremely emotional, I wanted to cry but I managed to hold it together to get through the appointment.  There was so much information that I really need to sit down and read through it all a few times to get it all straight in my head.  I am sure once the 27th is here and we get going it will be much easier than worrying about it beforehand.

Not sure if anyone noticed but I also hit 75lb weight loss this week!  My BMI started at 41.4 and is now 28.9.  I had to be under 30 which I have achieved and now I am happy, with it being Christmas, to try and keep it where it is.  Any more loss would be amazing but with so many goodies around right now and meals out at Christmas parties it may be a bit of a stretch.

I really hope this brings a great outcome for us.  I also hope that those of you still struggling and still waiting to find a way get your dreams get where you want to be sooner rather than later.  I am very busy the next couple of weeks but will update as much as I can once I start the medications as I would love to be a help even just one other person who may be going through this now or in the future.

Here's to 2013 my lucky year (fingers crossed)!

Sunday, 9 December 2012

Planning appointment on Thursday

After such a long time waiting I will finally find out on Thursday when we will be starting treatment.  It is clearly on my mind as I had a strange but good dream last night.  In my dream I had already done the treatment and was waiting to find out if it had worked or not.  The dreaded two week wait!  I was with my friends (or it could have been my sisters, I am not too sure) and was worried about climbing down from somewhere. I had to jump down from a height and refused to do it so turned back and went back the way we had just come from.  From that I jumped straight to being at a hospital being checked over and the nurse/doctor found a heartbeat with their stethoscope.

Obviously I know that this is not something that would happen.  There would be no heart beat in the two week wait but I woke up with that feeling of the treatment working out and giving us our dream, a family.  I will always have the little nagging feeling in the back of my mind that things may not turn out the way we want them to. I think it never goes away. It is there to save us from falling too far if bad news does come.  However when I first woke up I felt a sense of peace.

It is hard to put in to words how much I want this.  I know many of you have the same feelings as I do so understand exactly what I am trying to say here.  Roll on Thursday so I can start preparing for the start of self injecting, hormones going crazy and hopefully in a few months I will be able to share good news here.