Friday, 23 August 2013

October 17th

Is or should I say was my due date. Our daughter was far too eager to meet us and arrived nine weeks and one day early. She is the most beautiful and tiny little person I have ever seen and I am so blessed that she is mine and J's.

E spent six days in the NICU but was well enough to be moved to HDU. Saturday was a tough day and she was edtremely poorly but since then shenhas been thriving. She no longer needs a respirator and is breathing on her own and holding her sats.

Feeding was stopped due to her stomach issues on Saturday but she was restarted on feeds Monday morning and has built up from 2ml every two hours to 14 ml every two hours. She s a little fighter that is for sure! She also needed Phototherapy for jaundice but thankfully that was also stopped yesterday as her body is now doing what it should all by itself.

Today we are hoping to get those feeds up even more and to get her off the fluids. Removing the fluids is the next big step for her. Any good thoughts or prayers that she comes off them tonight would be appreciated.

The last nine days have been the toughest of our lives. Just sitting and watching her. Unable to just pick her up and comfort her when we want to. Trying not to touch even as the less you touch the more they rest which means the heal and grow quicker. Touching them just stimulates them and uses up the little energy that they have.

We have been able to hold her most days but only at certain times and usually for about an hour. Those precious moments bring a complete sense of calm over my whole body.  We know she is getting stronger by the day and are learning patience in a way I never knew was possible.  Although there have been many tears shed we are happy with how she is dong.

I will try and post when I can but we are spending very little awake time a home. I am going back to bed for an hour before it is time to get up for the day and make our way to the hospital for the next 12-14 hour shift with our daughter.  I f I could stay 24 hours I would but we know we have to get our rest so that we are able to look after he when she is able to come home.

Thursday, 30 May 2013

It's been a while............

I just checked to see what my last post said and I was shocked to see it was just after the very first scan we had done.  The one where we saw the heartbeat and found out we were 100% pregnant.  That was so long ago!  I am 20 weeks today halfway there already.

March 12th the midwife came to visit us at home to get us booked in.  We were asked about a 1000 medical questions.  In the end I was laughing, as between the two of us, plus close family members (parents and siblings) the amount of medical issues that came up was just ridiculous!  Plus the do you smoke, drink, do drugs questions.  It took a while to get through it all.

Due to family history on my side I have to do the GTT test but that isn't until the end of July.  I was given a load of leaflets to read through, most of which were common sense.  I will have to have whooping cough immunisation done.  I am not sure when that needs to be done but I believe it is pretty late on.  I have no dates written in my notes for that yet.  I am sure the midwife will add it on to my list nearer the time.

The midwife took my notes with her to book me in for the 12 week scan.  These notes are to be taken to every appointment, along with a urine sample.  I would receive the appointment through the post for the 12 week scan and I would be able to collect my notes on this day and then they are my responsibility from there on out.  Normally you don't get to see any medical notes here in the UK so it was pretty strange knowing they would be my responsibility.  Although I do like having them as I am constantly checking to make sure I haven't forgotten anything.

My 12 week scan appointment came through pretty quickly and actually landed on the day I would be exactly 12 weeks April 4th.  I am booked under OB care due to being high risk because of IVF and Endom.etriosis.  The midwife explained that it would just mean that my appointments would be split between her and whichever OB I was allocated.

Once again the day of the scan I was a nervous wreck.  I hadn't had any problems but I can't half work myself up for no reason.  My appointment time was 10.45am  I drank water as directed and my bladder was nice and full ready to get the scan done.  Unfortunately we were an hour late going in and by this time I was in a lot of pain and discomfort (thank you endo on my bladder!).  It took all my concentration to relax on that bed while the scan was done.  As soon the the u/s probe was pressed on to me it hurt like hell.  I closed my eyes and took deep breathes and waited to be told that the heart was still beating.

Luckily she told us almost straight away and turned the screen for us to look.  It was hard for me to open my eyes and look but I did, I did not want to miss this completely.  Within 20 seconds my eyes were once again closed to get through the rest of the scan.  The measurements were done and we were told we were measuring at exactly 12 weeks, spot on so no worries there.  We had some pictures printed out and I was bale to head straight to the toilet.

Before leaving the next set of appointments were booked in, a follow up with the OB and the GTT test.  So we would be back in less than four weeks to find out what happens next.

Thursday, 9 May 2013

Two months

Wow it has been almost two months since I last posted.  I have a lot to catch up on but just for today I am here to help a fellow endo sister out.  For anyone who doesn't follow her blog already then you really should.

Leah has had numerous surgeries for her endometriosis and has tried alternative therapies.  Leah also did IVF alone and was unsucessful, something many of those within the IF world can relate to.  I know I am in the minority with a successful first attempt and I really do appreciate it every day and I know how lucky I am.

Help Leah out take a look at her blog and buy her recently published book on amazon.

UK link :

US link :

I won't tell you any more about Leah go read her blog and buy the book and see for yourself.  Leah is a wonderful writer and it is so easy to connect with her words.  I am sure you will lover her writing as much as I do!

Sunday, 17 March 2013


I haven't known what to write for so long.  Every time I check in though my page views are increasing.  So I am sorry to those of you who have eagerly been awaiting an update from the scan.  I have had so many different emotions these past weeks.  I wasn't ready to write them down.

Anyway the scan went amazingly well!  On the drive there I was a nervous wreck.  I had been so calm for the whole cycle but by this point the emotions were ready to burst.  I kept consciously breathing in and out trying to stay in the calm state I had the whole time.  It was hard.  We were waiting to find out if the whole ordeal had worked would there be a heartbeat.

Luckily we didn't have long to wait and were called back for our scan.  The nurse checked some information  and dates and then it was time for the scan.  J held my hand and the nurse first of all turned the screen away which only made me more nervous!  But within seconds she turned it around and said there is the heartbeat and everything looks perfect.  I just burst into tears and they had to get me the tissues.  I didn't hear what was said for the next minute.  I was releasing all that pent up emotion and it felt great.

Once I had calmed down I was able to look at the screen and see the heartbeat.  There wasn't a lot to see with it being so early but you could easily see that heart beating.  We were able to film it on our phone so we can look at it when we want and show family.  I can not wait until our next scan where we will be able to see so much more!  We were also given scan pictures to bring home.

As we hadn't told a soul about starting the cycle we decided to go around and tell our parents and siblings the next day.  It was again very emotional.  They were all sworn to secrecy until we were ready to tell anyone else.  Amazingly they all did keep our secret, even my Nan, who never ever keeps secrets.  I bumped in to one of her friends and she didn't say a thing to me I was laughing inside knowing it must have killed her not to say anything.

It was great to have our family knowing and of course the support.  Even if they do ask how I am every five minutes.

Monday, 11 February 2013

Scan is booked

It is yet again the two week wait. My scan is booked in for February 26th, which is two weeks tomorrow.  I am so nervous but excited at the same time.  If anyone has any advice on how to stay chilled out for the next two weeks it would be greatly appreciated.

For a normal pregnancy the first scan would be at 12 weeks so I am lucky that I am getting an extra scan at 6 weeks 5days.  Neither do we have beta's.  We test get a BFP then sit and wait.  I think if I had to wait until 12 weeks it would drive me insane.  I would be an emotinal wreck.  Two week increments I can cope with.

Once the early scan is done it will mean having to wait another 5 weeks for the next scan then the next scan is at 20 weeks so an 8 week wait.  Arghhhhhhh...............

I am hoping to get a 4d scan done but it will all depend on how things progress and of course the cost.  I want to spend as much time at home off work as I can so if I have to miss out on the scan to have an extra week or two at home then so be it.  I am hoping to be able to take the full year I am entitled to off.  Time will tell on that, it is a shame money has to affect such an important part of life.

The only "sympton" I have at the moment is sore breasts.  Seriously every time I take my bra off they ache and are tender.  I normally get this sort of pain for a day or two before my period starts so I am used to it and it isn't awful.  I just keep my bra on longer when it is on I don't seem to notice the sensitivity.

If all goes well at the first scan we may tell our families on Mothers Day which is March 10th.  I was thinking of getting postcards made up with a picture of the scan and something along the lines of "Due to arrive October 17th" written underneath.  We did plan on waiting until 12 weeks.  It is all about one step at a time so for now we will just wait and get the scan done and decide from there.

If anyone has any pregnancy announcement ideas I would appreciate them.  Or any links to pages with ideas.

Saturday, 9 February 2013

The two week wait is over

That has to have been the longest two weeks of my life!  Every other two week wait never lasted two weeks due to my endometriosis and the fact I ovulate late and my period comes within 7-8 days.  This time to know I was actually pupo and using the cyclo.gest it was a hundred times more agonising waiting to test.

The clinic gave me instructions to test 16 days after collection which was today February 9th.  I was having weird dreams all night last night, I think it was the anxiety of knowing I had to get up and poas.  I am terrible when I first wake up and was really worried I would forget, so before bed I put a container next to the toilet and put the lid down with the test on top.

I woke numerous time through the night and every time I told myself don't pee yet go back to sleep.  Finally at 7.30am I gave up and got up.  I didn't much fancy aiming at the test so used the container and dipped the test in.  I woke J up so he got up with me and told me not to look without him.  Once I had finished the dip and reattached the lid we got back in to bed.  And waited.  J was impatient and asked how long it takes so I told him up to 3 minutes.

We sat both nervous as to what the result would be and we were both in complete shock to read................

I have spent most of the day checking and rechecking what the test says and giggling to myself.  After 18 years together this is the first time we have had a positive test.  It is a miracle.  

Now we have to get through the next step which will be a viability scan at the IVF clinic in 2-3 weeks.  I will phone them on Monday to get the appointment booked in.  So yes once again we wait, it will be a relief to get that scan done to know that the pregnancy is viable.

I do have one more test which I may do next weekend to see if it progresses.  We will wait and see how I am feeling then. 

For now we are just going to relax as best we can and carry on as normal.

Monday, 28 January 2013

What happens next..........

It is the waiting game once again.  I should be used to it by now but I most definitely am not.  IF is all about waiting and being patient.  Seriously I do not know how we do it most of the time but we do because we have to what other choice do we have?  Giving up is not an option even if at times we may feel like it.  Taking a step back to just breathe.

Monday's scan went well, all follicles progressing and my lining was great.  I had eleven follicles, seven on the left and four on the right. The nurse was unsure if I would have EC on the Wednesday or Thursday but they would let me know by the end of there work day. So I was sent home with medication to be able to carry on with if I would have EC on the Thursday.  I was relieved to know that I had at most just three more injections to go and would soon be able to throw the damn nasal spray out!

Monday afternoon was spent in work making sure all employees wages were done due to both of the bosses being out of the office.  One was in the office in Ireland the other off for a funeral.  I was glad I was in work as it kept me busy although I did keep checking my phone.  The call came just as I arrived home from work at 4.30pm and I was booked in for EC on Thursday 24th at 8am.

I did my Men.opur injection Monday and Tuesday evenings finished my spray at 8pm also on Tuesday.  Then the final time specific injection on Ovi.trelle was done at 9.15pm.  Wednesday was like a day off no medication at all.  Though it was strange I kept thinking that I was forgetting to do something.

We were up nice and early Thursday morning to be able to get to the clinic in time. J had a room booked for 7.45am to provide his sample.  All along the plan was for him to do it at home and take it with us but with all the snow we were having there was no way we were risking getting stuck in traffic and the sample being too old.  Once he was done we both were taken through to the back room where I changed in to the lovely hospital gown (at least this one covered me and I could do it up).

My nurse came and sat with me and went through all the paperwork and checks (I must have been asked my name and date of birth five times but better to be sure right?). I was second on the list of just four for that morning, so yes another wait.  J and I just sat and chatted he tried to keep me at ease being his normal funny charming self.  Other people would think he was totally overstepping the line but he does it purposely with me as a joke and it makes me laugh.  If I thought for one second he was being serious I would kick his butt.

Things did get a little upsetting when the lady due in after me had her cycle cancelled.  Everything had gone perfectly for them but she had gotten sick just the day before.  As she had actually vomited less than 24 hours before the anaesthetist would not give her the sedation as there was too high a risk of her aspirating.  The poor women was so distraught and her husband was out in one of the rooms doing his sample it must have been the longest ten minutes of her life.

I was taken in just after 9am and was back awake by 10am.  The embryologist came to see me and confirmed they collected 11 eggs at this stage they did not know if they could all be used or not but 11 was a good number.  My nurse brought me a sandwich egg and cress mayo and a cup of tea and I text J to come back for me.  We were allowed to leave as soon as I had been able to empty my bladder so we were on our way home by 11.30am.

I was in quite a lot of discomfort at this point.  It felt like my endo was flaring and both ovaries were aching.  I took painkillers as directed by the nurse and needed them again all day Friday.  In a way the discomfort I was in helped me get through the two day wait for the call to find out what is happening.  I was hoping ET would be the Saturday you know get it over and done with and come home and relax.  I woke up Saturday and felt a lot better pain wise.

We got the call at 9.20am of the eleven eggs all were good but only three fertilised.  At first I was devastated three was such a low number when we started off so well.  They reassured me though that two were progressing extremely well and the third was progressing but was a bit behind the other two.  They wanted to culture them for another 24 hours but would likely be calling me for ET the next day Sunday 27th.  The 27th is a great date for me as it is my birth day not January but still a good omen.

We were again both awake early that morning. J put the tennis on so we sat in bed and watched Andy Murray v Djokvic ( I have no idea what bis first name is so I must find out).  I was willing the phone to ring and finally at 9.30am it did.  Our 3rd place embryo had stopped developing so we were now down to two of which one had pulled ahead of the other.  They had booked me in for 12.20 for ET and would be putting back just the one and best embryo.

The ET part is all pretty boring you change into a gown get taken through to the transfer room.  I got to sit in a high tech seat that lifted up and tilted back.  The rest was a bit like having a smear (pap) test.  Once they were ready and in place the embryologist brought out our embryo and it was placed in my uterus.  It was held in place for twenty seconds and then the equipment was checked to make sure the embryo had transferred properly and was not still stuck in or on it.  All was good so I was lowered out of the chair and we were free to leave as soon as we were ready (as long as it took for me to get dressed.

By 1pm we were in the car on our way home and for the first time in my life I could say I was pregnant!

Once again we now wait, until February 9th, then we test.

If AF arrives or not we still test to make sure there is no ectopic pregnancy.

So for now all my fingers and toes are crossed and I am praying that this works.

 That in 9 months time we get to bring home our miracle.

So for now I am just going to breathe.............................

Saturday, 19 January 2013

Update day 24

I thought I had posted since my lucky 13 post but I guess not.  Sorry to keep you all hanging without any updates.  Today is day 24 and so far so good but not without one huge obstacle getting in our way!

My drugs were delivered to my house on December 21st so I had a quick look through to see what was in the box.  Lots of needles! 8 days worth of me.nopur, saline, norethi.sterone and cyc.logest.  I boxed it all back up and as I was now off work for two weeks for Christmas I decided to relax and enjoy the next few days before starting on the meds.

We had family come to us for Christmas dinner which was lovely.  There were five of us, which was a nice easy number to cook for.  Chaos descended once the rest of the family arrived later in the afternoon.  It was, however, great fun to have everyone here enjoying each others company and playing board games.  From Boxing day onwards we hardly did a thing I spent a lot of time in my pyjamas and caught up on sleep which was extremely lazy but worth it.

On the 27th I started on 5mg of Noreth.isterone twice daily.  I have used this medication once before (for about 3 weeks) and it turned me into a hormonal lunatic.  Luckily this time I was taking less and only for seven days and as far as I am aware I did not have the same side effects.  At least my dh hasn't said anything.  On the 29th I added in a nasal spray Sup,refact one spray at 8am, 12noon, 4pm, 8pm then two sprays before bed.  This has been fine through the week when I would be up and in work by 8am but at the weekend when I tend to sleep in later it has been tiring.  I have been having naps most Saturday and Sundays since starting the spray.

Before we could move on to the next stage I had to have started my period before day 16.  Thank goodness  that all was going to plan and on day 11 AF arrived which was another tick on the list. Day 16 on January 11th I had to have a blood test to decide if the drugs were working correctly.  It was a nice quick visit to the clinic to have blood taken.  I was told to carry on as per my schedule and that I would only receive a call if there were any issues with the blood test.  If I didn't hear anything by 5pm then I could go ahead with injecting the meno.pur that evening.

I had already watched the instructional dvd on how to administer the injections once.  So I thought it would be quick and easy to watch it again and get the first injection over and done with.  Things didn't go quite so easily though.  J was with me with the dvd remote hitting pause every few seconds so I could do what was needed.  I was so unorganised and it was definitely a learning curve that first night.  Even though I had set out everything I needed I hadn't opened things up and needed an extra pair of hands to get things done so it was a good job J was with me.

Just getting to the point of injecting myself was the hardest.  I had worked myself right up and was shaking like a leaf.  Actually sticking the needle in was easy!  I hardly felt a thing.  The following evening I had all the bits laid out and opened up so going through each of the steps was a lot easier.  This time I was on my own and stayed completely calm.  For anyone else doing this watch the dvd straight through right before starting.  It isn't very long but well worth doing to get all the bits and pieces set up and ready to go.  I had two needles to use on one syringe.  The larger needle for drawing up the saline to put in to the men.opur then switching to the smaller needle to inject.  The first night I had left the smaller needle in the packaging, big mistake, as the saline was in the syringe I couldn't put it down to open the small needle.  The 3 small vials of men.opur also had lids on which I hadn't removed.  Injection 2 - 9 have all been a lot better.

Day 23 was scan day to find out how I was responding.  The only problem was they had forecast snow, with a red warning!  In other words they were saying only travel if you have to as red warning means risk to life.  It was awful out.  We are just not cut out for snow.  I phoned the clinic first thing to make sure they were open which they were and I told them we hoped to get there but would call with an update if we had any problems.  My dad was on standby to take us as he has a 4x4 but even he said we wouldn't make it.  Then they shut the bridge so there was no way we could get there and back safely.  It really wasn't worth the risk.

I was lucky as I had enough drugs to carry on for Friday night but if we couldn't get there to be scanned on Saturday (today) the whole cycle would have to be cancelled.  We knew the ploughs and gritters would be out through the night and most of the journey was on motorways.  We had to be there between 9am and 12noon.  We got up early to make sure we made it.  Or street was the worst part we had to dig the car out and the road was a sheet of ice.  Once we made it to the main road though it had been cleared.  As it was early and quiet we made it in 40 minutes.  I was very relieved to have made it and not have to cancel.

I had 6 or 7 follies in my good left ovary measuring from 8.5mm up to 19.4mm and 4 or 5 in my right bad ovary measuring 12mm up to 14.9mm and my lining was 9.5mm.  The nurse said I was progressing well and gave me more meno.pur to carry on with over the next 3 days.  I am booked in to be rescanned on Monday and she said it would likely be Thursday or Friday for EC.

Sorry for the overload.  I know when I have searched to find out step by step what happens I have failed to find good information.  Hopefully this will help someone else as long as I haven't rambled and gone on too much!  I will do a quick update Monday evening after the next scan until then have a great weekend.