Monday, 25 April 2011

Glorious weather and a lazy weekend

It is hard to believe that it is still only April.  The weather here is normally wet and grey.  To be having glorious blue skies and it being hot already is almost unheard of.  I am most definitely not complaining it really does make a nice change.  According to the forecast it is going to be nice right up through Thursday.  Friday though is not so great, rain is on it's way, I guess that is about right though with a royal wedding that day.

As it is a holiday weekend I have had a lovely 4 days straight off work.  It doesn't happen very often and yet this week I am only in work 3 days as it is happening all over again next weekend.  Thanks to Wills and Kate getting married we get a paid day off work, how cool is that.  An extra days holiday is always welcomed.  On the bonus side I have booked next week off work and we are going to have a five day getaway.  Only two hours away but a break from home and work.  Recharge the batteries get some hiking in and use the fantastic leisure facilities which include a lazy river!  We can hire a golf buggy to use on the site if we want but I want to walk help shift these pounds.  By the way I am another 4lb's down, even when I don't post I will do my best to remember to update my ticker.

We have had quite a lazy weekend.  Friday we went out and did a bit of shopping, nothing exciting, mostly toiletries and household things.  At one point I thought the good old endo pain was going to disrupt things.  Luckily it was just a flash of pain,  I must have gotten out of the car awkwardly and the left ovary screamed for a couple of seconds.  It was overcast but still warm so when we got home we got our patio furniture out and put the bar bq on. Makes my life easier J does all the cooking and I clean up afterwards which is quick and easy all done and loaded in the dishwasher in five minutes.  In the evening we decided to stay in so we caught up on TV we had sky+'ed. 

I had a lovely lie in but not too late seems silly to waste the good weather in bed.  Some of Saturday was spent cleaning the house and pottering around the garden.  I am not good in heat so I came indoors for a while.  I decided to take a nap.  I didn't manage sleep but it was nice to just lie on the bed in the cool.  As it was obvious I wasn't going to sleep I watched a bit of TV.  Later in the evening as it was a friends birthday and we went around and had chinese food at there house.  A few drinks and a good gossip and it was soon 11pm.  I had started yawning at 9pm!

Yesterday I caught up with all the blogs I read.  I love catching up with what is happening with everyone.  I love the support I get here and when I can I try to support those who need it as well.  Sometimes that is hard when you haven't been where they are now.  I also know it could be somewhere I am in the future and to know that I have been a part of someone else's journey gives me hope for how I react in my journey, that there is no right or wrong, and that there will always be someone who can relate and can offer support.  After dinner which J once again cooked we went out for a few drinks.  I got to catch up with friend's and I even got to cwtch baby R, she is so small and absolutely gorgeous.  Plus I did not get emotional at all, breakthrough (or just a good day).

Today has flown by and I feel like I did nothing.  I did get up later than normal and watch TV and read quite a lot.  I guess time just has a way of slipping past unnoticed.  It is now almost 10pm and I am back in work tomorrow.  Time for me to get some well earned sleep.  Have I told I like to sleep?  I like to sleep as much as I can.   Seriously my life seems so boring but I like it just the way it is.  Well, almost there is just person missing (maybe two), then life would be perfect!

Thursday, 21 April 2011

Such a let down

Sorry for not posting sooner.  Mondays appointment at the IVF clinic was a bit of a let down.  I really am no wiser now than I was before then.  We were called in to see the doctor who flicked through our forms and asked questions as she did.  They didn't have J's SA results which, as it is the same clinic, you would think they would have them on file and easily accessible.  Obviously things are not that simple.

I explained about my endometriosis and the two surgeries I had had and due to the fact that most of my right ovary was removed they did an internal ultrasound and a blood test to check my ovarian reserve (AMH).  Giving blood was easy the phlebotomist was very good and got the vein first go and hardly left a mark.  Normally they struggle to get blood from me and I end up with numerous needle sticks and a large bruise.  The ultrasound however was a different story!  To say it was painful is an understatement.  The reason for the pain was that there is a cyst on my left ovary. Seriously. Nine weeks after excision and I have a cyst.

I am hoping that the cyst will naturally disappear.  I guess time will tell with that.  The blood gets sent to Glasgow for testing and I have no idea how or when or even if I will get the results.  As it is Easter I am going to give it a couple of weeks and then call them.  I don't think I can stand not knowing.  If I have no eggs then we can get on with other options.  The next step for us which we have talked a lot about is adoption.  I would rather know and move on now than wait 12 months when we will likely get to the top of the IVF list to be told.

(Courtesy of Google images)

The one thing I was told was that I have to lose a lot of weight.  If I don't then treatment would not go ahead.  I already knew that and as you all know my first week of healthy eating I lost 3lb's.  Tomorrow I weigh again and hopefully I will get another 3lb.  I find it extremely hard to lose weight even though I have so much to lose.  So a slow and steady weight loss is what I am aiming for.  In total I have to lose 68lb to get to the heaviest healthy weight they will allow treatment to commence.  I am going to look for a ticker that I can put here.  You are all needed to keep me on track and if I have a ticker you can keep up with how things are going.

Monday, 18 April 2011

In less than two hours time.......

My dearest husband and I have our first appointment at the IVF clinic.  The forms are almost completed I just have to get J to sign the bottom of his pages and we are good to go.  I have our passports as identification and we both got new passport photos done for them to stick on our file.  This is to identify us at each appointment after today.  Makes sense really otherwise anyone could turn up as say they are us.

It is Monday which is wages day in work.  I was in the bosses office when one of our employees came up with his form for his paternity pay.  The boss asked lots of question, was it a boy or girl, what did they weigh, what have named them.  I of course said Congratulations and promptly left the room!  I fought back tears.  I am normally okay with people who I am not close to.  I guess this appointment this afternoon may be making me nervous.  Plus I am ovulating today!  Why oh why can't things just be simple and happen naturally.

Also after one week of healthy eating and a little (really little) exercise I have lost 3lb's!  I am happy with that and hopefully will get the same loss again this week.  It is hard sitting at a desk all day long although I do try to go downstairs as many times as possible throughout the eight hours I am here.  Maybe J will help me out tonight and keep me company on a walk.  The sun is shining so as long as work hasn't worn him out today I am sure he will be up for it.

I will try and update as soon as I can on how the appointment goes.  Wish me luck!

Thursday, 14 April 2011

Form filling

I had an email from my husband saying that a large envelope had arrived for me with private and confidential on it.  I asked him to open it up and let me know what was in it.  He emailed back to say it was from the IVF clinic.  A lot of forms that need to be filled in.  It is amazing how something like form filling makes you feel so good.  I finally feel like things are real and are truly going to happen.

Today I have had fruit and a small bowl of cereal for breakfast.  For lunch I have just eaten some chicken with low fat mayonnaise on crisp bread and the rest of the fruit.  I even got a comment off my boss about how nice the fruit looked.  Tonight for dinner we are having gammon and I have veggies to go with it.  Today the exercise starts.  J is taking me out for a walk.  When I say walk I mean Hike.  I will take my camera and if it is clear and not raining I will take some pictures and post them up for you.

Only 4 days to go!

Tuesday, 12 April 2011

IVF appointment on Monday

That's Monday coming just six days away.  It took us so long, and a hard fight, to get on the list and now we finally have our initial appointment.  We get to find out what could possibly happen and when.  I am excited, nervous and terrified all at once.  I have googled and read information about IVF but there is so much out there and it is all so confusing.  There are so many different options IUI, ICSI, IVF and then the medications so many choices.  I wish I knew what was best for us and which medications I will be given hopefully Monday will bring at least a little clarity for us.

The one big thing that I do know is that I need to lose weight to be considered a healthy weight for the treatment to go ahead.  I need to lose at least seventy pounds and I am hoping to maybe even lose a hundred!  I went to the shop on the way home and stocked up on fruits and veggies.  I bought pomegranate seeds to try but they were disgusting.  I have also bought raspberries, strawberries, tangerines, kiwi, passion fruit, blueberries, grapes, apples and bananas.  I have yogurt (I hate yogurt but thought I would give it another go) for breakfast and I am going to add some fruit rather than having cereals.  That means less milk in my diet which the endo diet says is good.  Apparently dairy causes inflammation.

I am such a fussy eater and I know I will struggle to find a variety of foods to keep me going and not get bored.  I have made a batch of veggie soup which I will take to work tomorrow which cuts out bread.  Anyone who has suggestions for me I will really appreciate them.  I will just say though that I hate salad! I can cope with a little lettuce and cucumber but that's it.  I will eat most meats and I like potato, rice and pasta. 

I also have to work out some sort of exercise routine that will fit into my day but that won't drain me of the little energy I have.  There are only so many spoons to last any one day.  I have been making them last the past few weeks although some nights I can't wait to get in to bed.  I will have to work out some way of stretching them a little further.  If you are wondering why on earth I am going on about spoon's then read this The spoon theory . For some reason the actual website it is from isn't working so I will post that for you as well.  It is .  Hopefully it will be back up and working soon.

So here goes the start of my weight loss to get to a healthy weight to get this IVF cycle off to a great start.  I have plenty of time thank goodness as they say from referral to start of treatment is approximately eighteen months.  Our referral date is December 3rd 2010 which means we are looking at May 2012.  You all have permission to nag me and keep on at me to get this weight off.  I need as much help and support in this as I can get.  Here's to working out what exercise I can fit in and actually achieve without causing too much pain.  Wish me luck.

Monday, 4 April 2011

April already

A quarter of the year over and done with.  Wasn't it just Christmas and New Years?  Time seems to pass so quickly and yet so slowly all at once.  When I look back it seems like things were just last week yet when I am waiting for something it seems to take forever to arrive.  I have been quiet of late.  The reason for this is nothing other than life being busy.  I have had a great few weeks. 

Surgery was seven weeks ago tomorrow the iv entry wounds have healed but are still very noticeable.  Externally my incisions are great unless I scratch and catch the one which then irritates me for hours.  Internally I wish I knew what was happening!  Excision surgery was supposed to make things better and while they are not worse I don't feel like things are better either.  As I said in my last short but sweet (complaining and sulking) post it was Mothers Day yesterday and my period very kindly showed up just to rub it in my face that I am still not a Mother.  Every time someone mentioned what day it was I cringed inside.  This morning I woke up before my alarm due to the pain in my uterus.  I wonder if the surgery was even worth it but I have to believe it is better to have had a large amount of disease, adhesion's and scar tissue removed?

Maybe I am hoping for too much too soon.  Internal healing takes time and I guess I just need a little patience.  In another seven weeks perhaps the pain will have settled down.  For now I guess I just have to get through it and get on with life.  I have actually been doing just that the last few weeks.  J and I booked a weekend away in North Wales we had fabulous weather even though it was still just March.  It was so peaceful and relaxing just what we needed.  We walked on the beach, drove through the mountains, sat and looked over the lake, saw waterfalls and explored caernafon castle.

See those blue skies!  We didn't even need coats just jeans and a t-shirt.  The pace of life up there was slow, the roads were quiet even on a Friday afternoon rush hour.  It was just relaxing and I felt completely stress free.  My only issue was if we walked very far, or stood for too long, that ever so reliable back ache kicked in.  I tried to split the days up so we weren't walking too much and luckily as it was still March most places were pretty quiet so there were always benches available to sit and rest for a few minutes.

We got home on the Sunday afternoon which gave me time to get ready to return to work on the Monday morning.  I was looking forward to returning and also dreading getting up.  I am so not a morning person but my alarm was set for 6.45am so I could get to work for 8.00am.  I felt amazingly relaxed and ready for anything.  It was a shame that feeling didn't last long enough.

Sunday, 3 April 2011

Mothers Day Sucks!

And just to rub salt in the wound my period started today.

I haven't been to to see my mother today as I just got home and J had dinner cooking.  Which was delicious and I was hungry after my journey home from Manchester.  I went with three friends to watch Kylie Minogue and she was fabulous.  Once uploaded I will post a couple of pictures.

But for now I just wanted to moan about Mothers Day Sucking!!