Endo doesn't know

it is my birthday today and decided that it would be the best day of the year for me to be in the most pain I have in a long time!

I have done my best to put a smile on my face and pretend I am fine.  The level of pain got so ridiculous my strongest painkiller didn't work and I had to take a second.  That helped but the downside of easing the pain is the wonderful side effects we get to suffer through.  I was drowsy and wanted to sleep, not great when you have family in and out all day to visit.

I ended up leaving my visitors sat in my garden in the sunshine while I went to bed and cried.  I hate giving in to the pain and feeling so defeated.  When the pain hits these levels though there isn't a lot I can do but suffer through it and hope that it doesn't last too long.  I am feeling a lot better this evening than I was earlier today.  Although I am drained and will be heading straight to bed as soon as I have hit publish and shut this computer down.

Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully will be much better pain wise.

Weigh In Wednesday

I love my ticker, my little jogger lady just gets closer and closer to the goal.  After last weeks 3.5lb loss I though this week would be a bit of a bust.  I know I should have more confidence in myself as I stick to what I should be having each week.  I am never hungry which is always a good thing as hunger tends to have me grabbing something quick which is never a healthy option.

So this weeks loss was 1.5lb.  I am now only 10.5lb from my first major goal of my healthy IVF weight.  I am excited to be so close to it.  When I started 68.5lb seemed like an unachievable target but now I am almost there and I can't wait to hit it as I fly past.  It looks like treatment won't start until at least October and more likely January.  Plenty of time to get this body back in shape yet.

I will be running 5K at the end of June and I can now cover the distance in about 27 and a half minutes.  To think when I started 60 seconds of running was a complete nightmare and almost killed me.  Now I love it!  How times change.

I found some photo's

From a holiday a few years ago, I say a few it was more like 6 maybe even more.  The thing is I know when these pictures were taken I was the same weight I am now.  I think I look good in the old pictures but ones J took of me today I thought were not so great.  I know I still have weight to lose and it seems that weight wants to hang around my mid section on show to the world <sigh>.

Anyway the photo's were from our holiday to Thailand.  Hopefully I will be able to upload a few (or maybe 16) of them for you all to see.  I loved it there, the people were amazing they made you feel like family.  We spent most of our evenings in an Irish bar and the local staff were some of the nicest people we have ever met while away.  It was one of those places that just sticks out in your mind, you know.

It was such a beautiful place and it was less than two years after the devastating tsunami hit there.  Believe it or not you would not have known apart from locals selling books full of photographs of the devastation and the tsunami guideline signs all along the front.

This was a game that only the locals won.  It was great fun to watch!

This young boy was so cute.

We were on a boat on the river in Bangkok when another boat passed us and I just had to get a picture shame I didn't get it all in just a little too slow.

Grand Palace, Bangkok.  If you ever find yourself in Bangkok this is one place you must visit!

The Irish Bar and staff in Patong beach, Phuket.

Patong Beach

The Beach, you know the one, they made a film there with Leonardo Dicaprio. 

This was Phi Phi beautiful, so small and if it wasn't for all us tourists a very peaceful place.

Tsunami evacuation details.

One day we may get to go back, until then I can keep looking at all the amazing photographs which trigger so many great memories!

Weigh In Wednesday

Okay so it has been another week and yet again it is late.  I swear I will get around to catching up.

As it is Wednesday I thought I would update you on my weight loss. a 3.5lb loss this week.  This means I am only 12lb away from my IVF target and then I can breathe a little easier.  Although not too easily as I would love to lose another 30lb to get to a "healthy" weight. Determination and dedication are needed as it has now been almost 11 months.  I am finding it a lot easier these days though.  I guess I have just learnt that my body doesn't actually need as much food as I once thought it did.

I am off to bed, if I have time in work tomorrow I will do my best to post and update a little more.

A busy month......

and lots to catch up on.  My weight is the same as it was 4 weeks ago which considering everything that has been going on is pretty great for me.

First it was Easter, then the following three weekends we were away first Liverpool, then Birmingham and finally Manchester.  Horse racing, Cirque du Soleil and Jeff Dunham!  Yes I know what a mix.

For tonight that is it I am sorry.  It is late (for me) and I am off to bed.  I will get my butt back in to blogging and be back very soon :)

Today is her birthday!

My friend A is 39 today.  They are bringing her home from the hospital to live the remaining weeks of her life at home.  Weeks!  I can not even begin to imagine what she is going through or her parents.  I find myself filling up with tears and getting emotional when I think of her, which right now seems to be all the time.  I text my husband and asked if we could go out for food / drinks tonight.  I guess because I feel like we should be celebrating A's birthday.  If she were well then we would definitely have been doing something.  Our group of close girl friends always go out and celebrate birthdays.  Never anything extravagant  just a meal and drinks and good old girl chat.

I logged in to fb to wish a happy birthday then got to read all the posts to her.  I cried and had to stop reading. I will look again tonight when I am at home.  My eyes have just filled with tears thinking about it.

My other friend V is having her specialist appointment today.  We found out Monday that she also has cancer, which is stage 3.  I guess we just have to wait and see how things turn out for her.  I am hoping our group doesn't lose two great people in quick succession.

Okay enough of that before I really do burst in to tears right here at my desk in work!

It was wi last night and although it really doesn't seem that important at this very moment I lost another 0.5lb.  I am running for 25 minutes non stop and come June 24th I will be running for my two amazing friends.

At last!

It has taken a lot of hard work, determination and dedication to get to where I am today.  I have truly had to work extremely hard to get the results I am getting.  But you know it is so incredibly worth it. I stepped on the scales last night a bag of nerves.  I know in my heart I was due a good loss and that I deserved a good loss after sticking with it week after week with small 0.5lb losses or staying the same.  Why is it we always doubt ourselves when it comes to shedding weight?

I finally got a great loss of 3lb's and I am now 52.5lb lighter than I was at the beginning of June last year.  My weight loss averages out to just over 1lb per week and you know that is amazing!  For anyone else who struggles to lose weight slow and steady weight loss is the way to do it.  I am confident that with the time it is taking me to lose the weight I will easily be able to keep it off.  Keeping it off can be as hard as losing it to begin with!

I am going to take some pictures over the weekend.  I have a photo from exactly a year ago, I am going to dig out the jeans and t shirt I was wearing and take a picture so I can compare.  I also have a dress I wore to a wedding just over a year ago so that will also be coming out to have a picture in.  I struggle to see my own weight loss.  Of course the fact I have dropped 3 (almost 4) dress sizes I know I have lost weight and I do notice subtly changes but the fact I am now over 50lb loss I want to see big changes.  Hopefully the pictures I take will show me that.

Actually the only time you will ever find me in a dress is at a wedding and then it is begrudgingly.  Just the other day I ordered myself a dress and I love it.  It is stripy with all different colours very summery and was almost 100% comfortable in it.  Obviously I am still a woman with another 46lb that I need to lose and once some of that is gone and my stomach is a little flatter I am sure I will be just fine.  If I am brave enough I may take a picture in that dress.

I am feeling a lot fitter now.  There was a time when just walking up the stairs would have me out of breathe.  Seriously, it was not a good feeling.  Heavy breathing due to the weight around my neck.  That is just two things that I do not miss what so ever.

I will be completing my week 6 of C.25K on Saturday morning.  I have to walk for 5 minutes to warm up then jog for 25 minutes then walk for 5 minutes as a cool down.  I made it through 20 minutes last week to complete week 5 so whats another 5 minutes (if you don't hear from me you know I didn't make it lol).  I am so surprised by how much I am enjoying running.  I know when I was in school that I thoroughly enjoyed cross country but that was when I was 14 - 16 and 126lb.  To be able to run again and enjoy it feels great.

So for anyone else out there trying to lose weight or start exercising it can be done.  Just take it slow and steady.

My next goal is another 3.5lb loss which will equate to 4stone (sorry UK measurements) which is a nice small amount to concentrate on.  Hopefully it won't take too long but if it does so be it!