Monday, 16 May 2011

Birthday meal

Firstly it has been a while I haven't known what to write about.  Even when I did have something I didn't know how to say it.  So I am just going to do my best!

It was my sisters birthday and she decided to go out for a meal with friends.  So there were the three of us sisters plus five friends all of who have children with one being pregnant with number two.  I was dreading it to say the least I almost pulled out and was going to tell her I was ill.  I felt like it would talking about the kids all night long which would have made me feel like a failure and just rubbed in my face the fact that I am an infertile. 

Believe it or not my one sister has no tact when it comes to this issue in fact she is downright mean.  I don't think it is intentional she has three children and has no idea what it is like to be me.  Sometimes the things she says in front of me sting.  I have tried to speak to her about it in the past to no avail.  Now I try to just ignore what she says.  Of course it hurts but I can't let her get to me I have enough going on in my life without letting in any negativity that just isn't needed.

My other sister is supportive but she still says the wrong things.  The difference is she is well intentioned but I just wish she would be quiet.  I do not need to know about her friends friends sister who wasn't able to get pregnant and now by some miracle is pregnant.  It isn't my miracle, I do not know them and I do not care that they are now pregnant.  I am sorry if that sounds harsh.  If it were someone I knew, someone who's journey I have been a tiny teeny little part of, then of course I would be ecstatic.

I actually have two IF "friends" who have had there BFP very recently and even though I have never met them and they really are not my friends I am over the moon for them both.  I pray they both have happy and healthy nine months.  IF is so tough some days are better than others of course but it is one of those things that is in your face constantly. 

The meal itself wasn't that great and I wouldn't go back to that restaurant.  However I did get to catch up with an old friend.  We don't see each other very often but we grew up together, we were neighbours and were with each other almost every day.  She is six months younger than me and has three children aged three and under.  It was nice to catch up and we talked about old times and what we used to get up to.  Yes of course talk about the children came up but it wasn't the main topic of discussion. 

We laughed right through the evening it turned out okay in the end.  I managed to avoid direct talk of children with anyone.  One pregnant and one with a fifteen week old did get more things in but I was okay.  Did I have pangs of jealousy of course I did, I wouldn't be human if I didn't, but I was fine although relieved to get to go home.

Just one other thing I have been having problems posting comments for a while.  I am reading blogs and will post as soon as I am able.  I have not yet checked today so that is next on my list to do!

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