Wednesday, 1 June 2011

It should have been great news

I feel guilty.  Guilty because even though I am happy I am also jealous and maybe even a little sad.

J was working lates last night.  The phone rang and I let the machine get it.  It was my mother in law.  I thought nothing of it as she always gets J's shifts wrong.  Then my mobile rang and it was J.  He started off by saying that he didn't know whether to tell me over the phone or face to face.  Obviously it was already too late to wait until face to face.  I am guessing the reason he went ahead over the phone was because of the hours we are working.  I won't actually see him face to face until Friday afternoon so it would have been a 48 hour wait.

So the news, you have probably guessed part of it.  I already had that feeling in the pit of my stomach of what was coming next.  My niece and her husband are 8 weeks pregnant.  It should have been good news.  It is good news.  They were married in November and within 4 months they have a baby on the way.  There is to be a new addition to the family.  I am going to be a great aunt!

The family where all really worried about telling me.  They all know our situation.  I feel sad that they didn't feel able to share the news without the worry of upsetting me.  Of course I am upset but I wish I could put into words to them how I feel.  I cried when J told me but I think in that moment it was both because I was sad it wasn't my news to be shared and the fact that no one wanted to upset me. 

How do you deal with the emotions?  I need advice and support right now.  Are these emotions normal?  Or am I just being dramatic?  Sometimes I think I drive myself crazy for no reason.

Just to be clear, I am happy for them, I just wish it was my turn.  Is that too much to ask?

1 comment:

  1. I completely relate, as both of my sisters have been pregnant/ or had babies in the past year. It's really rough... but you work through the emotions. It doesn't make you a monster to feel this way, it makes you human. I'll be thinking of you.