I know most people believe 13 to be unlucky, but for me it is my lucky number. It all started in June 2008 when I was admitted to hospital due to the mass on my right ovary. I found out I was in bed 13 and I was told I had ovarian cancer. Okay I know that doesn't sound very lucky and at the time I was a mess.
I was scheduled for surgery two weeks later. I was admitted to hospital on the Sunday on a different ward and as I was the first to arrive I got to choose which bed I wanted in our six bed bay. I chose the bed next to the window with a view out over the city. Not much to look at but a lot better than the wall! I later found out that I was again in bed 13 and this time it had been my choice. I wasn't too happy about it after my last stay.
Surgery went ahead as planned on the Monday and though I don't remember a lot, the main things were that they had not performed a hysterectomy and that they were now 99% sure it was not cancer but endometriosis. That made me the luckiest person ever that day. I was still able to try for our family and almost certainly didn't have cancer, I would have to wait for the biopsy results to be sure, but for now things were looking up.
Then yesterday, which was the 13th December, we had our latest appointment at the IVF clinic. It was all great news and we start on December 27th. This means that 2013 is hopefully going to be our lucky year. Plus we have been married 13 years this year. That number 13 keeps cropping up!
In 2008 I never thought any of this would happen. It has taken a long hard wait to get here! Emotions have been all over the place. One minute things are moving along and you feel amazing then you hit a brick wall and have to start again. This time though we have dates, drugs will be delivered to our home before the 27th and we have our listing of what to take and when. I will have to set alarms on my phone to make sure I don't miss things. I am so forgetful I need the extra reminder especially while I am in work as the hours just seem to fly by.
For a moment yesterday I felt myself getting extremely emotional, I wanted to cry but I managed to hold it together to get through the appointment. There was so much information that I really need to sit down and read through it all a few times to get it all straight in my head. I am sure once the 27th is here and we get going it will be much easier than worrying about it beforehand.
Not sure if anyone noticed but I also hit 75lb weight loss this week! My BMI started at 41.4 and is now 28.9. I had to be under 30 which I have achieved and now I am happy, with it being Christmas, to try and keep it where it is. Any more loss would be amazing but with so many goodies around right now and meals out at Christmas parties it may be a bit of a stretch.
I really hope this brings a great outcome for us. I also hope that those of you still struggling and still waiting to find a way get your dreams get where you want to be sooner rather than later. I am very busy the next couple of weeks but will update as much as I can once I start the medications as I would love to be a help even just one other person who may be going through this now or in the future.
Here's to 2013 my lucky year (fingers crossed)!
Friday, 14 December 2012
Sunday, 9 December 2012
Planning appointment on Thursday
After such a long time waiting I will finally find out on Thursday when we will be starting treatment. It is clearly on my mind as I had a strange but good dream last night. In my dream I had already done the treatment and was waiting to find out if it had worked or not. The dreaded two week wait! I was with my friends (or it could have been my sisters, I am not too sure) and was worried about climbing down from somewhere. I had to jump down from a height and refused to do it so turned back and went back the way we had just come from. From that I jumped straight to being at a hospital being checked over and the nurse/doctor found a heartbeat with their stethoscope.
Obviously I know that this is not something that would happen. There would be no heart beat in the two week wait but I woke up with that feeling of the treatment working out and giving us our dream, a family. I will always have the little nagging feeling in the back of my mind that things may not turn out the way we want them to. I think it never goes away. It is there to save us from falling too far if bad news does come. However when I first woke up I felt a sense of peace.
It is hard to put in to words how much I want this. I know many of you have the same feelings as I do so understand exactly what I am trying to say here. Roll on Thursday so I can start preparing for the start of self injecting, hormones going crazy and hopefully in a few months I will be able to share good news here.
Obviously I know that this is not something that would happen. There would be no heart beat in the two week wait but I woke up with that feeling of the treatment working out and giving us our dream, a family. I will always have the little nagging feeling in the back of my mind that things may not turn out the way we want them to. I think it never goes away. It is there to save us from falling too far if bad news does come. However when I first woke up I felt a sense of peace.
It is hard to put in to words how much I want this. I know many of you have the same feelings as I do so understand exactly what I am trying to say here. Roll on Thursday so I can start preparing for the start of self injecting, hormones going crazy and hopefully in a few months I will be able to share good news here.
Saturday, 10 November 2012
Made it to the top
After years of battling and trying to get someone to listen to us we have finally made it to the top of the IVF waiting list. After my laparotomy in 2008 it took until December 2010 to eventually get a doctor to write the referral letter we needed to be placed on the NHS IVF waiting list.
Our initial consultation was April 18th 2011 which gives you your official start date for the wait to begin treatment. At this appointment we were told it would be 12-18 months. On August 20th, after 16 months os waiting, we received a phone call from our clinic giving us the option to transfer to another clinic where we wouldn't have such a long wait. If we decided to stay with the current clinic we would not be seen until April 2013 or maybe even later. If we decided to go ahead and transfer we would have an appointment in 6-8 weeks.
Under normal circumstances I would have just said yes straight away. Who wants to stay on a list where you could be waiting for lord knows how long as no one could really give any straight answers. Or transfer to a clinic albeit further away but where there is no waiting time. I said we would think about it and come back to her at which point I was told they needed to know by Friday just four days away.
After taking with J and researching all the info I could about both clinics my decision was easy. J said that the final decision was up to me but he would support whatever decision it might be. The wait time for clinic A was a lot longer than clinic B. I also found a website where success rates and clinic details are listed. Clinic B was having much better success rates and overall everything I read was just so much better all round. Plus clinic B was in the top 10 in the UK. Our decision was made and on Thursday August 23rd I phoned and said that yes, please go ahead and transfer us.
You would think with my research done I would have been happy with my decision, and don't get me wrong I was. With all things fertility related you always, or at least I do, second guess yourself. I was lucky as a week later we went to Antigua and had two weeks of pure blissful relaxation. I don't think I thought about IVF while we were there and if I did it must have been very short lived as I don't remember it.
I spoke with clinic A when we returned home to ensure my latest lap results were in my file to go over to clinic B. They weren't but I was told that they would be before the file was sent across. So once again it was just time to wait. True to there word we received out appointment 6 weeks after our notes were sent over with my lap results included. So this is where the fun starts we are two appointments down and planning appointment is next. I will finally have dates of when it will all be starting.
So far we had appointment for:
October 31st - Bloods and SA
November 5th - Met with doctor filled out lots of paperwork and had an ultrasound
December 13th - Planning appointment is booked
January - Likely start for treatment
Our initial consultation was April 18th 2011 which gives you your official start date for the wait to begin treatment. At this appointment we were told it would be 12-18 months. On August 20th, after 16 months os waiting, we received a phone call from our clinic giving us the option to transfer to another clinic where we wouldn't have such a long wait. If we decided to stay with the current clinic we would not be seen until April 2013 or maybe even later. If we decided to go ahead and transfer we would have an appointment in 6-8 weeks.
Under normal circumstances I would have just said yes straight away. Who wants to stay on a list where you could be waiting for lord knows how long as no one could really give any straight answers. Or transfer to a clinic albeit further away but where there is no waiting time. I said we would think about it and come back to her at which point I was told they needed to know by Friday just four days away.
After taking with J and researching all the info I could about both clinics my decision was easy. J said that the final decision was up to me but he would support whatever decision it might be. The wait time for clinic A was a lot longer than clinic B. I also found a website where success rates and clinic details are listed. Clinic B was having much better success rates and overall everything I read was just so much better all round. Plus clinic B was in the top 10 in the UK. Our decision was made and on Thursday August 23rd I phoned and said that yes, please go ahead and transfer us.
You would think with my research done I would have been happy with my decision, and don't get me wrong I was. With all things fertility related you always, or at least I do, second guess yourself. I was lucky as a week later we went to Antigua and had two weeks of pure blissful relaxation. I don't think I thought about IVF while we were there and if I did it must have been very short lived as I don't remember it.
I spoke with clinic A when we returned home to ensure my latest lap results were in my file to go over to clinic B. They weren't but I was told that they would be before the file was sent across. So once again it was just time to wait. True to there word we received out appointment 6 weeks after our notes were sent over with my lap results included. So this is where the fun starts we are two appointments down and planning appointment is next. I will finally have dates of when it will all be starting.
So far we had appointment for:
October 31st - Bloods and SA
November 5th - Met with doctor filled out lots of paperwork and had an ultrasound
December 13th - Planning appointment is booked
January - Likely start for treatment
Friday, 14 September 2012
Antigua
Just a quick post to say hello from my sun lounger on the beach in Antigua.
I am home on Sunday and will do a post with pictures of this beautiful island. See you all Sunday when I will be spending hours probably to catch up with you all.
I am home on Sunday and will do a post with pictures of this beautiful island. See you all Sunday when I will be spending hours probably to catch up with you all.
Thursday, 23 August 2012
Setting goals
(courtesy of google images)
Setting goals can be both good and bad. Especially when it comes to weight loss. For me I try not to be too rigid with anything I set for myself with regards to my weight loss as I know if I don't reach it when I set out to it changes my positive attitude to a negative attitude. That is never a good thing the glass should always be half full. I am doing very well with keeping the positive attitude and it really is helping my weight loss every week.
As you have probably noticed I changed my ticker. The reason for this is that I reached the first goal I set for myself. In order for the NHS to allow me to go ahead with IVF I had to have my BMI as 30 or less. April 2011 it was over 40 way to high and I had 12 -18 months on the waiting list to reduce it. I am a few days over 16 months of being on the list and my BMI is finally below 30.
I thought reaching the IVF goal weight would bring tears when I climbed on those scales but I was strangely very calm. I think it was the relief of reaching a place that I thought was so unachievable in the beginning that I just felt at peace.
My goals entail small steps never anything too big and I have learnt now not to put time limits on myself. I still think to myself that it would be nice to reach a certain weight by a certain time for example I would love to be at my final goal weight in time for Christmas but if I am not it really isn't a big deal anymore as I know I will get there eventually. Now my goals are 7lb at a time and sometimes there are smaller goals in between each 7lb like a certain % of weight lost. With last nights 2lb loss I hit 10 lots of 7lb and to reach the next one I have 6.5lb to lose but between then just a 4.5lb will mean I have lost 30% of my starting weight. Small goals are great and really keep that motivation up.
Last night in wei.ght watch.ers the lady who takes the class was asking if we had thrown out all our now too large clothes. When she came to me I told her that mine were all in black bags ready to go but I wanted to get rid of everything in one go so would be doing it when I got to goal. Immediately she picked up on the fact that I had said when and not if. It is a big deal to believe you will reach your goal and no longer questioning it. I am not really sure when on this journey that happened for me but I am so glad that it did. It just makes each week easier and helps when you don't have a great number on the scale.
So for anyone reading who is struggling just keep at it and celebrate the small losses and small goals. It is possible and you can do it. You just have to keep going. It took years of bad eating to put the weight on so we have to give it enough time to come back off and change those bad habits we once had.
Monday, 16 July 2012
June 6th
That the last time I posted. I have things I want to write about but I am struggling getting the thoughts out of my head and in to a post. For now I will do a quick update on my weight loss. The one thing I have kept up to date with is updating my ticker.
If you have been checking my page you will have seen that I am now only 4lb away from my BMI being 30 which will mean the IVF clinic will allow me to start treatment. I am still months away from hitting the top of the list so I have plenty of time to lose that remaining 4lb plus some of the extra 30 I want to lose to get my BMI down in to the healthy range. October is officially 18 months of waiting and technically when I should reach the top of the list. Knowing the NHS as I do it will take a little longer than that.
Friends of ours are getting married September 2013 in Rhodes, Greece. We would love to go about 20 of our friends have booked or will be booking to go. Until we know what is happening with the IVF we can't book. If we start treatment in October and it is successful then it we would have an July baby but if the start dates get delayed until after Christmas and is successful then we may be due a September baby.
Don't get me wrong even as much as I would love to be there for the wedding I want to miss it even more if it means I get the baby we dream of.
Did I mention I wanted to do a half marathon here? I need to check my posts! I am hopeful that I may be able to get there for October 28th. A half marathon is 13.1 miles and yesterday I ran for 5.2 miles and felt good. I will be adding another mile on to my next run and see how I feel with that. I have hit the 5 mile point a couple of times now. Some days I just don't have the energy because of endometriosis and this is a big worry for me for the actual day of the marathon. Will my body be up to it? It isn't something I can control which is frustrating beyond belief.
Oh dear I am starting to ramble. I will post soon about our Race For Life fund raising day with pictures!
If you have been checking my page you will have seen that I am now only 4lb away from my BMI being 30 which will mean the IVF clinic will allow me to start treatment. I am still months away from hitting the top of the list so I have plenty of time to lose that remaining 4lb plus some of the extra 30 I want to lose to get my BMI down in to the healthy range. October is officially 18 months of waiting and technically when I should reach the top of the list. Knowing the NHS as I do it will take a little longer than that.
Friends of ours are getting married September 2013 in Rhodes, Greece. We would love to go about 20 of our friends have booked or will be booking to go. Until we know what is happening with the IVF we can't book. If we start treatment in October and it is successful then it we would have an July baby but if the start dates get delayed until after Christmas and is successful then we may be due a September baby.
Don't get me wrong even as much as I would love to be there for the wedding I want to miss it even more if it means I get the baby we dream of.
Did I mention I wanted to do a half marathon here? I need to check my posts! I am hopeful that I may be able to get there for October 28th. A half marathon is 13.1 miles and yesterday I ran for 5.2 miles and felt good. I will be adding another mile on to my next run and see how I feel with that. I have hit the 5 mile point a couple of times now. Some days I just don't have the energy because of endometriosis and this is a big worry for me for the actual day of the marathon. Will my body be up to it? It isn't something I can control which is frustrating beyond belief.
Oh dear I am starting to ramble. I will post soon about our Race For Life fund raising day with pictures!
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
Half Marathon
I have just a few minutes ago registered my interest to run a local half marathon. It isn't until October 28th, but I am a little excited and a lot terrified! I had 3 weeks off from running as I have been sick, thank you endo, I got back to it on Saturday and was able to get straight back in to my 34 minutes of running. So no damage done, thank goodness.
I managed to sleep in on Sunday morning for the first time in weeks, so missed out on my run. I got straight back out Monday morning and felt great. Yesterday morning I changed my tactic and instead of running for a set amount of time I changed my target to a distance. I set my i.pod for 5k, as I wanted to see what my time is, all ready for the 5k we are doing on June 24th less than 3 weeks to go!
I completed the 5k in 28 minutes which I am really pleased with. The only thing I worry about is how accurate the gps is on the i.pod. If anyone else uses the Ni.ke fitness on an i.pod n.ano/touch your opinions would be greatly appreciated. As I have been running for 34 minutes I carried on and got to 7k (which is approx 5.5miles) which took 39 minutes.
I took a day off today, I think it is wise to give my legs a rest plus as I weigh in it is always a mad rush to get everything done in time. I will be back out there tomorrow after work and will again do 7k or maybe even push myself and get to 8k.
I think I now need to find a 10k after the 5k but before the half marathon. I will have to get on line and see what I can find. As for the weight loss last week I gained 4.5lb and this week I managed to lose 2.5lb of it. It was my birthday and dh was 40 so there was a lot of birthday celebrations going on. I was prepared for a gain although I was hoping it would all be back off this week. It is frustrating how quickly weight can go on but take weeks to get back off.
I am currently at 56lb gone forever. I haven't adjusted my ticker as I plan on getting back to where I was by my next weigh in. Runs planned for tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday and Tuesday. Wish me luck on building my distance.
I managed to sleep in on Sunday morning for the first time in weeks, so missed out on my run. I got straight back out Monday morning and felt great. Yesterday morning I changed my tactic and instead of running for a set amount of time I changed my target to a distance. I set my i.pod for 5k, as I wanted to see what my time is, all ready for the 5k we are doing on June 24th less than 3 weeks to go!
I completed the 5k in 28 minutes which I am really pleased with. The only thing I worry about is how accurate the gps is on the i.pod. If anyone else uses the Ni.ke fitness on an i.pod n.ano/touch your opinions would be greatly appreciated. As I have been running for 34 minutes I carried on and got to 7k (which is approx 5.5miles) which took 39 minutes.
I took a day off today, I think it is wise to give my legs a rest plus as I weigh in it is always a mad rush to get everything done in time. I will be back out there tomorrow after work and will again do 7k or maybe even push myself and get to 8k.
I think I now need to find a 10k after the 5k but before the half marathon. I will have to get on line and see what I can find. As for the weight loss last week I gained 4.5lb and this week I managed to lose 2.5lb of it. It was my birthday and dh was 40 so there was a lot of birthday celebrations going on. I was prepared for a gain although I was hoping it would all be back off this week. It is frustrating how quickly weight can go on but take weeks to get back off.
I am currently at 56lb gone forever. I haven't adjusted my ticker as I plan on getting back to where I was by my next weigh in. Runs planned for tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday and Tuesday. Wish me luck on building my distance.
Sunday, 27 May 2012
Endo doesn't know
it is my birthday today and decided that it would be the best day of the year for me to be in the most pain I have in a long time!
I have done my best to put a smile on my face and pretend I am fine. The level of pain got so ridiculous my strongest painkiller didn't work and I had to take a second. That helped but the downside of easing the pain is the wonderful side effects we get to suffer through. I was drowsy and wanted to sleep, not great when you have family in and out all day to visit.
I ended up leaving my visitors sat in my garden in the sunshine while I went to bed and cried. I hate giving in to the pain and feeling so defeated. When the pain hits these levels though there isn't a lot I can do but suffer through it and hope that it doesn't last too long. I am feeling a lot better this evening than I was earlier today. Although I am drained and will be heading straight to bed as soon as I have hit publish and shut this computer down.
Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully will be much better pain wise.
I have done my best to put a smile on my face and pretend I am fine. The level of pain got so ridiculous my strongest painkiller didn't work and I had to take a second. That helped but the downside of easing the pain is the wonderful side effects we get to suffer through. I was drowsy and wanted to sleep, not great when you have family in and out all day to visit.
I ended up leaving my visitors sat in my garden in the sunshine while I went to bed and cried. I hate giving in to the pain and feeling so defeated. When the pain hits these levels though there isn't a lot I can do but suffer through it and hope that it doesn't last too long. I am feeling a lot better this evening than I was earlier today. Although I am drained and will be heading straight to bed as soon as I have hit publish and shut this computer down.
Wednesday, 23 May 2012
Weigh In Wednesday
I love my ticker, my little jogger lady just gets closer and closer to the goal. After last weeks 3.5lb loss I though this week would be a bit of a bust. I know I should have more confidence in myself as I stick to what I should be having each week. I am never hungry which is always a good thing as hunger tends to have me grabbing something quick which is never a healthy option.
So this weeks loss was 1.5lb. I am now only 10.5lb from my first major goal of my healthy IVF weight. I am excited to be so close to it. When I started 68.5lb seemed like an unachievable target but now I am almost there and I can't wait to hit it as I fly past. It looks like treatment won't start until at least October and more likely January. Plenty of time to get this body back in shape yet.
I will be running 5K at the end of June and I can now cover the distance in about 27 and a half minutes. To think when I started 60 seconds of running was a complete nightmare and almost killed me. Now I love it! How times change.
So this weeks loss was 1.5lb. I am now only 10.5lb from my first major goal of my healthy IVF weight. I am excited to be so close to it. When I started 68.5lb seemed like an unachievable target but now I am almost there and I can't wait to hit it as I fly past. It looks like treatment won't start until at least October and more likely January. Plenty of time to get this body back in shape yet.
I will be running 5K at the end of June and I can now cover the distance in about 27 and a half minutes. To think when I started 60 seconds of running was a complete nightmare and almost killed me. Now I love it! How times change.
Friday, 18 May 2012
I found some photo's
From a holiday a few years ago, I say a few it was more like 6 maybe even more. The thing is I know when these pictures were taken I was the same weight I am now. I think I look good in the old pictures but ones J took of me today I thought were not so great. I know I still have weight to lose and it seems that weight wants to hang around my mid section on show to the world <sigh>.
Anyway the photo's were from our holiday to Thailand. Hopefully I will be able to upload a few (or maybe 16) of them for you all to see. I loved it there, the people were amazing they made you feel like family. We spent most of our evenings in an Irish bar and the local staff were some of the nicest people we have ever met while away. It was one of those places that just sticks out in your mind, you know.
It was such a beautiful place and it was less than two years after the devastating tsunami hit there. Believe it or not you would not have known apart from locals selling books full of photographs of the devastation and the tsunami guideline signs all along the front.
One day we may get to go back, until then I can keep looking at all the amazing photographs which trigger so many great memories!
Anyway the photo's were from our holiday to Thailand. Hopefully I will be able to upload a few (or maybe 16) of them for you all to see. I loved it there, the people were amazing they made you feel like family. We spent most of our evenings in an Irish bar and the local staff were some of the nicest people we have ever met while away. It was one of those places that just sticks out in your mind, you know.
It was such a beautiful place and it was less than two years after the devastating tsunami hit there. Believe it or not you would not have known apart from locals selling books full of photographs of the devastation and the tsunami guideline signs all along the front.
This was a game that only the locals won. It was great fun to watch!
This young boy was so cute.
We were on a boat on the river in Bangkok when another boat passed us and I just had to get a picture shame I didn't get it all in just a little too slow.
Grand Palace, Bangkok. If you ever find yourself in Bangkok this is one place you must visit!
The Irish Bar and staff in Patong beach, Phuket.
Patong Beach
The Beach, you know the one, they made a film there with Leonardo Dicaprio.
This was Phi Phi beautiful, so small and if it wasn't for all us tourists a very peaceful place.
Tsunami evacuation details.
One day we may get to go back, until then I can keep looking at all the amazing photographs which trigger so many great memories!
Wednesday, 16 May 2012
Weigh In Wednesday
Okay so it has been another week and yet again it is late. I swear I will get around to catching up.
As it is Wednesday I thought I would update you on my weight loss. a 3.5lb loss this week. This means I am only 12lb away from my IVF target and then I can breathe a little easier. Although not too easily as I would love to lose another 30lb to get to a "healthy" weight. Determination and dedication are needed as it has now been almost 11 months. I am finding it a lot easier these days though. I guess I have just learnt that my body doesn't actually need as much food as I once thought it did.
I am off to bed, if I have time in work tomorrow I will do my best to post and update a little more.
As it is Wednesday I thought I would update you on my weight loss. a 3.5lb loss this week. This means I am only 12lb away from my IVF target and then I can breathe a little easier. Although not too easily as I would love to lose another 30lb to get to a "healthy" weight. Determination and dedication are needed as it has now been almost 11 months. I am finding it a lot easier these days though. I guess I have just learnt that my body doesn't actually need as much food as I once thought it did.
I am off to bed, if I have time in work tomorrow I will do my best to post and update a little more.
Wednesday, 9 May 2012
A busy month......
and lots to catch up on. My weight is the same as it was 4 weeks ago which considering everything that has been going on is pretty great for me.
First it was Easter, then the following three weekends we were away first Liverpool, then Birmingham and finally Manchester. Horse racing, Cirque du Soleil and Jeff Dunham! Yes I know what a mix.
For tonight that is it I am sorry. It is late (for me) and I am off to bed. I will get my butt back in to blogging and be back very soon :)
First it was Easter, then the following three weekends we were away first Liverpool, then Birmingham and finally Manchester. Horse racing, Cirque du Soleil and Jeff Dunham! Yes I know what a mix.
For tonight that is it I am sorry. It is late (for me) and I am off to bed. I will get my butt back in to blogging and be back very soon :)
Thursday, 5 April 2012
Today is her birthday!
My friend A is 39 today. They are bringing her home from the hospital to live the remaining weeks of her life at home. Weeks! I can not even begin to imagine what she is going through or her parents. I find myself filling up with tears and getting emotional when I think of her, which right now seems to be all the time. I text my husband and asked if we could go out for food / drinks tonight. I guess because I feel like we should be celebrating A's birthday. If she were well then we would definitely have been doing something. Our group of close girl friends always go out and celebrate birthdays. Never anything extravagant just a meal and drinks and good old girl chat.
I logged in to fb to wish a happy birthday then got to read all the posts to her. I cried and had to stop reading. I will look again tonight when I am at home. My eyes have just filled with tears thinking about it.
My other friend V is having her specialist appointment today. We found out Monday that she also has cancer, which is stage 3. I guess we just have to wait and see how things turn out for her. I am hoping our group doesn't lose two great people in quick succession.
Okay enough of that before I really do burst in to tears right here at my desk in work!
It was wi last night and although it really doesn't seem that important at this very moment I lost another 0.5lb. I am running for 25 minutes non stop and come June 24th I will be running for my two amazing friends.
I logged in to fb to wish a happy birthday then got to read all the posts to her. I cried and had to stop reading. I will look again tonight when I am at home. My eyes have just filled with tears thinking about it.
My other friend V is having her specialist appointment today. We found out Monday that she also has cancer, which is stage 3. I guess we just have to wait and see how things turn out for her. I am hoping our group doesn't lose two great people in quick succession.
Okay enough of that before I really do burst in to tears right here at my desk in work!
It was wi last night and although it really doesn't seem that important at this very moment I lost another 0.5lb. I am running for 25 minutes non stop and come June 24th I will be running for my two amazing friends.
Thursday, 29 March 2012
At last!
It has taken a lot of hard work, determination and dedication to get to where I am today. I have truly had to work extremely hard to get the results I am getting. But you know it is so incredibly worth it. I stepped on the scales last night a bag of nerves. I know in my heart I was due a good loss and that I deserved a good loss after sticking with it week after week with small 0.5lb losses or staying the same. Why is it we always doubt ourselves when it comes to shedding weight?
I finally got a great loss of 3lb's and I am now 52.5lb lighter than I was at the beginning of June last year. My weight loss averages out to just over 1lb per week and you know that is amazing! For anyone else who struggles to lose weight slow and steady weight loss is the way to do it. I am confident that with the time it is taking me to lose the weight I will easily be able to keep it off. Keeping it off can be as hard as losing it to begin with!
I am going to take some pictures over the weekend. I have a photo from exactly a year ago, I am going to dig out the jeans and t shirt I was wearing and take a picture so I can compare. I also have a dress I wore to a wedding just over a year ago so that will also be coming out to have a picture in. I struggle to see my own weight loss. Of course the fact I have dropped 3 (almost 4) dress sizes I know I have lost weight and I do notice subtly changes but the fact I am now over 50lb loss I want to see big changes. Hopefully the pictures I take will show me that.
Actually the only time you will ever find me in a dress is at a wedding and then it is begrudgingly. Just the other day I ordered myself a dress and I love it. It is stripy with all different colours very summery and was almost 100% comfortable in it. Obviously I am still a woman with another 46lb that I need to lose and once some of that is gone and my stomach is a little flatter I am sure I will be just fine. If I am brave enough I may take a picture in that dress.
I am feeling a lot fitter now. There was a time when just walking up the stairs would have me out of breathe. Seriously, it was not a good feeling. Heavy breathing due to the weight around my neck. That is just two things that I do not miss what so ever.
I will be completing my week 6 of C.25K on Saturday morning. I have to walk for 5 minutes to warm up then jog for 25 minutes then walk for 5 minutes as a cool down. I made it through 20 minutes last week to complete week 5 so whats another 5 minutes (if you don't hear from me you know I didn't make it lol). I am so surprised by how much I am enjoying running. I know when I was in school that I thoroughly enjoyed cross country but that was when I was 14 - 16 and 126lb. To be able to run again and enjoy it feels great.
So for anyone else out there trying to lose weight or start exercising it can be done. Just take it slow and steady.
My next goal is another 3.5lb loss which will equate to 4stone (sorry UK measurements) which is a nice small amount to concentrate on. Hopefully it won't take too long but if it does so be it!
I finally got a great loss of 3lb's and I am now 52.5lb lighter than I was at the beginning of June last year. My weight loss averages out to just over 1lb per week and you know that is amazing! For anyone else who struggles to lose weight slow and steady weight loss is the way to do it. I am confident that with the time it is taking me to lose the weight I will easily be able to keep it off. Keeping it off can be as hard as losing it to begin with!
I am going to take some pictures over the weekend. I have a photo from exactly a year ago, I am going to dig out the jeans and t shirt I was wearing and take a picture so I can compare. I also have a dress I wore to a wedding just over a year ago so that will also be coming out to have a picture in. I struggle to see my own weight loss. Of course the fact I have dropped 3 (almost 4) dress sizes I know I have lost weight and I do notice subtly changes but the fact I am now over 50lb loss I want to see big changes. Hopefully the pictures I take will show me that.
Actually the only time you will ever find me in a dress is at a wedding and then it is begrudgingly. Just the other day I ordered myself a dress and I love it. It is stripy with all different colours very summery and was almost 100% comfortable in it. Obviously I am still a woman with another 46lb that I need to lose and once some of that is gone and my stomach is a little flatter I am sure I will be just fine. If I am brave enough I may take a picture in that dress.
I am feeling a lot fitter now. There was a time when just walking up the stairs would have me out of breathe. Seriously, it was not a good feeling. Heavy breathing due to the weight around my neck. That is just two things that I do not miss what so ever.
I will be completing my week 6 of C.25K on Saturday morning. I have to walk for 5 minutes to warm up then jog for 25 minutes then walk for 5 minutes as a cool down. I made it through 20 minutes last week to complete week 5 so whats another 5 minutes (if you don't hear from me you know I didn't make it lol). I am so surprised by how much I am enjoying running. I know when I was in school that I thoroughly enjoyed cross country but that was when I was 14 - 16 and 126lb. To be able to run again and enjoy it feels great.
So for anyone else out there trying to lose weight or start exercising it can be done. Just take it slow and steady.
My next goal is another 3.5lb loss which will equate to 4stone (sorry UK measurements) which is a nice small amount to concentrate on. Hopefully it won't take too long but if it does so be it!
Thursday, 22 March 2012
It wasn't to be
Not this week anyway. I am still at 49.5lb loss and that is okay. I had a great week with everything pointed and my exercise routine back in place. Maybe next week I will get one of my amazing losses, time will tell.
Update on my two friends. J and I went to visit and deliver presents to A she looked awful and fabulous all at the same time. After major brain surgery she is doing brilliantly. We can't get over how brave she is. Brave is a word so many of our friends are using for her now. How she manages to carry on from day to day is unbelievable. She has such strength and for all of us witnessing it, it is amazing. All the small inconsequential things that we worry about day to day really are not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.
As for my other friend. We finally found out that she also had a brain tumour. First of all we were all in complete shock. How often do you have a close group of friends within which two get diagnosed with a brain tumour and have major surgery within 12 days of each other? There is better news for V, it is not cancer and hopefully now that the tumour has been removed she will recover well. When I found out I just burst in to tears. I felt devastated that this was happening again to someone we are so close to. We just have to keep praying that the surgery was all that was needed and her brain will recover so that she can continue to enjoy her life.
After such a knock within our close knit group we all felt that we needed to do something. I mentioned that I was going to do our local Ra.ce For Li.fe and many of the other girls also said that they would like to join in. I signed myself and two others up and since then our Team has grown to 15 members with many others who have told me they will sign up also. It is definitely going to be a day to bring us closer and to raise much needed funds for Can.cer Res.earch UK. A way to honour our friend while she is still with us.
After the race itself we have a BBQ arranged and I am hoping to organise a raffle. That is the next thing on my list. I need to think of prizes and ways of getting local businesses to donate. If any of you have any other ideas for me to help raise as much money for the charity then it really will be appreciated. I want to keep things as simple as possible though. Am I aiming too high to try and get an i.pad donated, I guess we will just have to see how generous people are going to be. There is plenty of time to get this organised though as the big day isn't until June 24th. Wish me luck in getting it all done, though with 14 others in my team I am sure they will have some ideas and will want to help.
I also need to set a target, I think I will hold off on that until I am sure of the numbers taking part. Wish me luck!
Update on my two friends. J and I went to visit and deliver presents to A she looked awful and fabulous all at the same time. After major brain surgery she is doing brilliantly. We can't get over how brave she is. Brave is a word so many of our friends are using for her now. How she manages to carry on from day to day is unbelievable. She has such strength and for all of us witnessing it, it is amazing. All the small inconsequential things that we worry about day to day really are not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.
As for my other friend. We finally found out that she also had a brain tumour. First of all we were all in complete shock. How often do you have a close group of friends within which two get diagnosed with a brain tumour and have major surgery within 12 days of each other? There is better news for V, it is not cancer and hopefully now that the tumour has been removed she will recover well. When I found out I just burst in to tears. I felt devastated that this was happening again to someone we are so close to. We just have to keep praying that the surgery was all that was needed and her brain will recover so that she can continue to enjoy her life.
After such a knock within our close knit group we all felt that we needed to do something. I mentioned that I was going to do our local Ra.ce For Li.fe and many of the other girls also said that they would like to join in. I signed myself and two others up and since then our Team has grown to 15 members with many others who have told me they will sign up also. It is definitely going to be a day to bring us closer and to raise much needed funds for Can.cer Res.earch UK. A way to honour our friend while she is still with us.
After the race itself we have a BBQ arranged and I am hoping to organise a raffle. That is the next thing on my list. I need to think of prizes and ways of getting local businesses to donate. If any of you have any other ideas for me to help raise as much money for the charity then it really will be appreciated. I want to keep things as simple as possible though. Am I aiming too high to try and get an i.pad donated, I guess we will just have to see how generous people are going to be. There is plenty of time to get this organised though as the big day isn't until June 24th. Wish me luck in getting it all done, though with 14 others in my team I am sure they will have some ideas and will want to help.
I also need to set a target, I think I will hold off on that until I am sure of the numbers taking part. Wish me luck!
Wednesday, 14 March 2012
Life is precious
There has been so much sadness and bad news around here lately. Life is short and precious and every day should be spent with happiness. So many people are sick and a good friend of mine has just found out that she has only months to live. 39 years old and just a few short months of time to spend with those that she loves.
Another friend may have suffered a stroke at a mere 60 years of age. Healthy all her life and now it is like she has disapeared and someone else is in her place. Right now she has been kept in the hospital so hopefully they will figure out what has happened a stroke or something else and it can be treated and I pray that she comes back to the woman she was. It is tragic to see her now she is so intelligent so to see her confused breaks my heart.
I will do all I can for each one of them. If they ask me for something I will get it done it is the least I can do.
I also realise that it is up to me to keep myself as healthy as possible. I am unable to stop cancer or even a stroke from happening but I sure as heck can limit the chance of it. Getting this excess weight off and exercising more to get myself fit is a massive step in getting and staying healthy. Last week i had another 0.5lb loss and this week was 1.5lb gone. So I am not at 49.5lb total loss and under 200lb. I am doing all I can to save my life i guess that is the best I can do for now at least.
Another friend may have suffered a stroke at a mere 60 years of age. Healthy all her life and now it is like she has disapeared and someone else is in her place. Right now she has been kept in the hospital so hopefully they will figure out what has happened a stroke or something else and it can be treated and I pray that she comes back to the woman she was. It is tragic to see her now she is so intelligent so to see her confused breaks my heart.
I will do all I can for each one of them. If they ask me for something I will get it done it is the least I can do.
I also realise that it is up to me to keep myself as healthy as possible. I am unable to stop cancer or even a stroke from happening but I sure as heck can limit the chance of it. Getting this excess weight off and exercising more to get myself fit is a massive step in getting and staying healthy. Last week i had another 0.5lb loss and this week was 1.5lb gone. So I am not at 49.5lb total loss and under 200lb. I am doing all I can to save my life i guess that is the best I can do for now at least.
Thursday, 1 March 2012
Weigh In Wednesday
I know it has been a few weeks but I just have not felt like writing. Actually as it March 1st it has been a whole month oops!
Before I get to the weight loss, today is also Yellow Shirt Day which kicks of the month or week (depending where you are in the world) of Endometriosis Awareness. I have my Fight Like A Girl yellow endometriosis awareness t-shirt on today, do you? If not that's okay just get prepared for next year you have 12 months warning. I am planning on doing a post or two throughout the month to try and raise some awareness.
Right well back to the weight loss. After 4 weeks I am another 4.5lb's down. Of course it would be brilliant if it was more but I have learned to be happy with a 1lb loss per week. I set myself a target of reaching 50lb loss by my weigh in last night and that didn't happen still 2.5lb to go for that. In the past setting myself a target and failing to reach it was really detrimental to the whole process. This time I am in a whole different frame of mind and it really isn't a big deal.
50lb is so near now that I don't care when I get it as long as I get it. Well that is a bit of a lie I want it next week (or the week after). I am going to be extremely good this week and may even throw a little exercise back in the loop now the the days are staying lighter for longer. I was planning on getting back out doing the C25K again a couple of weeks ago but life has just gotten in the way.
I did make a start on kettlebell training though and I really enjoyed it. I must get myself in to a routine and fit it in a few times a week perhaps alternating with the c25k.
My weigh in the results the past few weeks were:
Feb 8th 2lb loss
Feb 15th 0.5lb loss
Feb 22nd 0.5lb gain I have no idea what went wrong this week
Feb 29th 2lb loss
So overall it has been a good month as I am 4.5lb lighter today than February 1st. Keep your fingers crossed I hit that 50lb mark soon. For anyone else on this journey I hope you are doing great!
Before I get to the weight loss, today is also Yellow Shirt Day which kicks of the month or week (depending where you are in the world) of Endometriosis Awareness. I have my Fight Like A Girl yellow endometriosis awareness t-shirt on today, do you? If not that's okay just get prepared for next year you have 12 months warning. I am planning on doing a post or two throughout the month to try and raise some awareness.
Right well back to the weight loss. After 4 weeks I am another 4.5lb's down. Of course it would be brilliant if it was more but I have learned to be happy with a 1lb loss per week. I set myself a target of reaching 50lb loss by my weigh in last night and that didn't happen still 2.5lb to go for that. In the past setting myself a target and failing to reach it was really detrimental to the whole process. This time I am in a whole different frame of mind and it really isn't a big deal.
50lb is so near now that I don't care when I get it as long as I get it. Well that is a bit of a lie I want it next week (or the week after). I am going to be extremely good this week and may even throw a little exercise back in the loop now the the days are staying lighter for longer. I was planning on getting back out doing the C25K again a couple of weeks ago but life has just gotten in the way.
I did make a start on kettlebell training though and I really enjoyed it. I must get myself in to a routine and fit it in a few times a week perhaps alternating with the c25k.
My weigh in the results the past few weeks were:
Feb 8th 2lb loss
Feb 15th 0.5lb loss
Feb 22nd 0.5lb gain I have no idea what went wrong this week
Feb 29th 2lb loss
So overall it has been a good month as I am 4.5lb lighter today than February 1st. Keep your fingers crossed I hit that 50lb mark soon. For anyone else on this journey I hope you are doing great!
Wednesday, 1 February 2012
Weigh In Wednesday
The weeks are flying by! Can you believe January is already over and today is February 1st? Wasn't it just Christmas a few days ago?
I have had a pretty good week. I counted all my pro.points up until Saturday afternoon. Saturday night we had friends down and had a mini party. It is so expensive to go out these days so a group of my friends have all decided to start having drinks at home. We will each take it in turns and once a month we will go to each others homes for drinks and a bit of food. Nothing extravagant, we did a four bird roast and some ham with potato wedges and parsnips some garlic bread some dips and bread sticks. Everyone enjoyed it!
I was given shortbread for Christmas so made up a little dessert. Shortbread biscuit with thick cream on top and strawberries (I should have taken a picture). It was lovely and it got rid of most of the tin which means I won't be eating them. Method in my madness of giving away my favourite biscuit.
I didn't track from then onwards. I did count up in my head what I was having but I will be writing everything down this week. The losses are always so much better when I do that. Today's food is all tracked an accounted for.
So this weeks loss yes it was a loss. Another 0.5lb this week so I am now up to 43lb.
Here is to being super good with all things food this week and a great loss next week.
I have had a pretty good week. I counted all my pro.points up until Saturday afternoon. Saturday night we had friends down and had a mini party. It is so expensive to go out these days so a group of my friends have all decided to start having drinks at home. We will each take it in turns and once a month we will go to each others homes for drinks and a bit of food. Nothing extravagant, we did a four bird roast and some ham with potato wedges and parsnips some garlic bread some dips and bread sticks. Everyone enjoyed it!
I was given shortbread for Christmas so made up a little dessert. Shortbread biscuit with thick cream on top and strawberries (I should have taken a picture). It was lovely and it got rid of most of the tin which means I won't be eating them. Method in my madness of giving away my favourite biscuit.
I didn't track from then onwards. I did count up in my head what I was having but I will be writing everything down this week. The losses are always so much better when I do that. Today's food is all tracked an accounted for.
So this weeks loss yes it was a loss. Another 0.5lb this week so I am now up to 43lb.
Here is to being super good with all things food this week and a great loss next week.
Thursday, 26 January 2012
Weigh In Wednesday!
I was sure I hit post on this last night but as it didn't post I guess I was mistaken!
And I have a smile on my face. I finally cracked the 3 stone barrier (14lb = 1stone). I really thought I would never get here. With a 2lb loss this week it gets me to 42.5lb's gone forever. 42lb has been a target of mine for at least two months (maybe more) so now I have to choose a new small goal.
With 50lb within my reach that is now my next weight loss goal.
I am hoping to get that in 5 weeks time. So when I go to weigh in on Wednesday February 29th (leap year!) a great date I will hopefully have reached my next big milestone. 50lb just so happens to also be a total of 20% weight loss.
I am definitely not putting a whole lot of pressure on myself with the time line as I have done that in the past and all sorts of things go wrong when I set myself targets and don't achieve them. So five weeks is more of a guideline than a deadline.
I hope everyone else who is on a weight loss journey of their own is hanging in there. I am sure your losses are amazing!
And I have a smile on my face. I finally cracked the 3 stone barrier (14lb = 1stone). I really thought I would never get here. With a 2lb loss this week it gets me to 42.5lb's gone forever. 42lb has been a target of mine for at least two months (maybe more) so now I have to choose a new small goal.
With 50lb within my reach that is now my next weight loss goal.
I am hoping to get that in 5 weeks time. So when I go to weigh in on Wednesday February 29th (leap year!) a great date I will hopefully have reached my next big milestone. 50lb just so happens to also be a total of 20% weight loss.
I am definitely not putting a whole lot of pressure on myself with the time line as I have done that in the past and all sorts of things go wrong when I set myself targets and don't achieve them. So five weeks is more of a guideline than a deadline.
I hope everyone else who is on a weight loss journey of their own is hanging in there. I am sure your losses are amazing!
Tuesday, 24 January 2012
It is tougher than I thought!
Keeping up with commenting. Normally I read and run. I know I know I really should try and comment more which was why I joined in this month's ICLW. By the time I have done a full days work, read all the blogs, read parts of my book, watch tv, cook dinner and spend some time with DH and general stuff around the house the commenting part doesn't happen.
Plus I like to try and say something to help support or encourage. I do not like to just leave some meaningless note. Another problem I seem to have though is memory loss. Seriously, I get to the end of a blog post and I have to read it again to pick out the parts I wanted to comment on. I seem to struggle with this a lot!
Anyone have any tips on improving memory?
I have so many thoughts and things to do buzzing around my head that I forgot most of them. I know that there are a few things I need to post about. Tomorrow in work I am going to get a good old fashioned pen and paper and make some notes. Notes for posts and for other stuff. Maybe just maybe I will get most things done as it will be in black and white and I can cross them off as they are achieved.
Simple!
It is weigh in Wednesday tomorrow I always sneaky peak at home and the scales look like they are going in the right direction. I guess I will just have to be patient and wait until tomorrow evening when the official weigh in happens.
It is late 23:18 and I have been trying to catch up on reading blogs (taking a little longer as due to ICLW I now have more of you I follow :0) ) that's a good thing though. I think I have just one more comment to leave. Although it is almost midnight for me I could get a head start on tomorrow's comments. Who am I kidding I will be fast asleep by the time midnight gets here!!
If you are dropping in from ICLW then hello to you and if I haven't left a comment on your blog leave a link in my comment section and I will stop by. It might take a while but I will get there.
Right well time to switch this laptop off and get some sleep. Good night all x
Plus I like to try and say something to help support or encourage. I do not like to just leave some meaningless note. Another problem I seem to have though is memory loss. Seriously, I get to the end of a blog post and I have to read it again to pick out the parts I wanted to comment on. I seem to struggle with this a lot!
Anyone have any tips on improving memory?
I have so many thoughts and things to do buzzing around my head that I forgot most of them. I know that there are a few things I need to post about. Tomorrow in work I am going to get a good old fashioned pen and paper and make some notes. Notes for posts and for other stuff. Maybe just maybe I will get most things done as it will be in black and white and I can cross them off as they are achieved.
Simple!
It is weigh in Wednesday tomorrow I always sneaky peak at home and the scales look like they are going in the right direction. I guess I will just have to be patient and wait until tomorrow evening when the official weigh in happens.
It is late 23:18 and I have been trying to catch up on reading blogs (taking a little longer as due to ICLW I now have more of you I follow :0) ) that's a good thing though. I think I have just one more comment to leave. Although it is almost midnight for me I could get a head start on tomorrow's comments. Who am I kidding I will be fast asleep by the time midnight gets here!!
If you are dropping in from ICLW then hello to you and if I haven't left a comment on your blog leave a link in my comment section and I will stop by. It might take a while but I will get there.
Right well time to switch this laptop off and get some sleep. Good night all x
Sunday, 22 January 2012
Discharged from my specialist
I am confused by the fact that my specialist discharged me. I still have severe endo and will be having major surgery in the future. They have told me they will need a bowel and bladder specialist for the surgery if and when we decide to go ahead.
The reason for the discharge was the fact that for now they can't do anything for me. I get my pain meds from my GP. I am 13 months in to the IVF waiting list which means I should reach the top anytime from June.
If the IVF works or not I will still need surgery to sort out my messed up ovaries, tubes and bowel. So this means I now have to start the process all over again. It just seems like I have to fight for everything. Some days I just don't have the energy to fight and I shouldn't have to.
Why could I not just stay on the specialists lists without having a 6 monthly check up?
As I am out of area how do I get my GP to refer me to the doctor I need to see?
I am trying to forget about the issues that this will cause as for now it is not an issue. Sometime down the line it will be but for now I need to forget it relax and concentrate on the IVF.
I still have 28lbs to lose before that can go ahead. That is something that needs dealing with now and what I am trying to concentrate on getting done.
The reason for the discharge was the fact that for now they can't do anything for me. I get my pain meds from my GP. I am 13 months in to the IVF waiting list which means I should reach the top anytime from June.
If the IVF works or not I will still need surgery to sort out my messed up ovaries, tubes and bowel. So this means I now have to start the process all over again. It just seems like I have to fight for everything. Some days I just don't have the energy to fight and I shouldn't have to.
Why could I not just stay on the specialists lists without having a 6 monthly check up?
As I am out of area how do I get my GP to refer me to the doctor I need to see?
I am trying to forget about the issues that this will cause as for now it is not an issue. Sometime down the line it will be but for now I need to forget it relax and concentrate on the IVF.
I still have 28lbs to lose before that can go ahead. That is something that needs dealing with now and what I am trying to concentrate on getting done.
Wednesday, 4 January 2012
Weigh In Wednesday
My first post of 2012. I hope every one of you had a good New Year!
I was nervous after a small 0.5lb loss Christmas week I felt that the week over New Year was actually harder. I wanted to eat the chocolates and we had lots of other goodies in the house pringles and chocolate fingers and cake! I did eat a little of everything but tried very hard to limit how much I had.
I guess treating myself but staying aware of how much I was having paid off once again!
Another 0.5lb loss!
Besides the weight loss my body is also playing games with me this month. I have had no sign of ovulation and I am CD19 today. I have had pains today that made me think that maybe I was ovulating today but I had no line on my OPK. The pain was pretty bad for about an hour. It was around my left ovary and those awful contraction type pains that ripple across my abdomen. That is the pain I do not want to come back. At it's worst (almost 4 years ago now) my husband once asked me if I was sure I wasn't in labour. Seriously if I was able to breathe at the time I may just have killed him.
Let's wait and see how aunt flo treats me in 9 days time. I am a little nervous I am due a rough month. Isn't it awful that we prepare for a bad month! I have had 2 months where I was in pain and uncomfortable but managed with paracetamol and lidocaine pain patches. I also made it to work every day although my boss always comments on when I am ill I guess I must look like hell.
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